(Editor's Note: Since writing this I've learned about the violence in the Manchester city center Wednesday night. Some in the media seem quite intent on focusing on this rather than the day-long good behavior by more than 100,000 Rangers supporters who were in the city all day. There's no condoning what the 200 or so drunken "fans" did Wednesday night (and some of them were actually Rangers supporters), but let's not paint with such a broad brush).

 

In my head I know it shouldn’t matter so much.

I know when my kids get quiet at how dad is shouting and yelling at the TV that I’m not being a good example. 

I know that it’s just a game and I should move on now that it’s over.

But Rangers broke my heart today

If you don’t love a team, and I mean REALLY love a team, you don’t understand how I’m feeling.

I cheer for the Chicago Cubs. I want to see them win the World Series while my dad, who has suffered through 70 seasons as a native North-sider, is still alive. I was disappointed when they blew winning the pennant 5 years ago with the help of the worst fan in the world.

But it wasn’t like this.

I cheer for the Indianapolis Colts, coincidentally the team in my new hometown but one that I followed from the days of Johnny Unitas, the flat-top haircut and the high-top sneakers. I liked the Colts through the days of Mike Curtis, Bert Jones, the move to Indy, a 1-15 season, Jim Harbaugh’s Hail Mary and now the Payton Manning years. I was happy when they won the 2007 Super Bowl but, my blood pressure didn’t really rise.

I’m an Ohio State fan. I didn’t go there, but growing up in Ohio, it was the statewide team. I’ve watched them win one and lose two college football national championship games in the past few years. It didn’t really bother me that much. 

But Rangers losing today – that bothers me.

I’m not eating tonight. Not exactly a catastrophe for those who know me, but my love to gnosh points out all the more that if I’m not doing it, something must be wrong.

Well something is wrong. Rangers lost the UEFA Cup Final.

It was all so perfect. Walter Smith’s side,  hastily put together in the offseason, with a few missing ingredients added in January, had made a Cinderella run through the UEFA Cup, beating the likes of Werder Bremen, Sporting Lisbon, Panathinaikos and Fiorentina. On top of this the team had already won the League Cup, and is awaiting the Scottish Cup Final, while contesting the Scottish Premier League championship down to the wire with archrivals Celtic.

In the final today they faced Zenit St. Petersburg, hardly a household name among European soccer fans. The Russians, coached by former Rangers boss Dick Advocaat, had shocked Bayern Munich in the semifinal, surely setting the stage for a famous Rangers win and a chance at an unprecedented 4 trophies in one season.

I won’t bore you with the match details. Zenit deserved the win. They took the opening goal well 70 minutes in, then capitalized on Rangers pushing everyone forward to score a 2^nd near full time. Rangers had one glorious chance to equalize and one good chance to score before the Russians had. It didn’t happen. That’s soccer. Right?

But now I feel like I might have in school days when some girl I had a crush on, someone who had been nice to me or otherwise allowed me to think she liked me back, now made it clear mine was an unrequited love. It hurts like that. Cowley wrote:

“A mighty pain to love it is,

and 'tis a pain that pain to miss;

but of all pains, the greatest pain

it is to love, but love in vain." 

Poetic words like that shouldn’t be wasted on affections for a soccer team, should they?

They do apply though, they really do

But like the Rangers players, I’ll dust myself off and pick up in an effort to close the season strongly. We’ve got thousands of players to profile in our new Players To Watch section after all, not to mention more than 2,000 teams in TeamRank. And there are articles to write, and editorials, and news updates. I’m going to be producing more videos and radio programs in the coming weeks, and the listeners don’t care about some soccer team in Scotland.

Fair enough. Just know that your friendly neighborhood Top Drawer Soccer editor is struggling to recover this evening.

It’s tough when you care so much.