Yahoo Sports recently came out with an interesting piece titled “Ten Qualities of a Good Youth Soccer Coach.”
It was a solid read, but naturally it begged the question: what are the qualities of a bad youth soccer coach?
That’s why I’m here, people.
Here’s a countdown of the top 5 qualities you’ll find in a bad youth coach:
5. Hungry: Name the last task you effectively completed while you were hungry … exactly. Ever wonder why a coach failed to make one substitution all game or pulled his team off the field with 30 minutes to go? It’s because they had an appointment with McDonald’s. You’re not you when you’re hungry.
4. Thirsty: See hungry.
3. Depressed: True story (meaning completely untrue), I once heard a coach give their team the following pep talk: We’ve already lost guys. Do you even want to play? Life is meaningless.
2. Incompetent: If your kid’s coach ends up coaching the team from their cell phone because they can’t find the field, it’s time to switch teams. You’re breaking up, coach! Did you say set piece or Nestea? (See thirsty.)
1. Psycho: Listen to me carefully: if you feel the sudden urge to run to the sidelines and chew on the benches, or you have a hard time coaching your players because the 9-foot purple bunny rabbits keep hopping on the field and distracting you – get out! Stop coaching. Get in your car and head straight to the hospital … trust me, the bunnies will understand.