You know the drill: if you’re hot, then you’re on this list. If you’re not … you’re still on this list. We’re taking the weekly temperature of soccer and other random stuff. Here we go:

HOT

1. Robin Van Persie. HE’S ON FIRE! Eight goals in eight games. He’s so good right now I almost forgot Man U is missing an injured Wayne Rooney. Rooney’s appetite didn’t forget, though.

2. Duke forward Audrey Gibson. Audrey spent her holiday break in London where she sipped tea, watched Stoke City vs. Tottenham and basically lived the life. Wonder if we can get Audrey for our next episode of College Cribs.

3. Kimye. Oh, yes … Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have sewn the seeds of life. Can’t wait.

NOT

1. Chris Brown-Rihanna. We could’ve sworn they were “Never ever ever getting back together again (Taylor voice),” but we were wrong. They’re back. And nobody likes it.

2. Modeste M’bami A.K.A. the “Handy Man”. There’s a reason they call him “Handy Man”.

3. Sofia Vergara. So what had happened was: Sofia’s boyfriend got into a fight in a club on New Year’s Eve. He was all, I’M A MAN! Rawr! Then Sofia was all no, please babe … so she ran into help, fell down and … pretty much came out of her dress. Happy New Year.