I defy you — defy you — to find me a college keeper who had a worse two seconds than those experienced by Fairfield’s Matt Turner on Wednesday.

Fairfield held a 1-0 lead over MAAC opponent Iona in the second half when a piledriver from Jordan Scarlett ricocheted off the crossbar and up into play. As it came down, the ball plonked off Turner’s arms and into the net for the tying goal. Fifteen minutes later, Ignacio Maganto scored the game-winner for Iona, sending Fairfield to 1-2-1 record in the league. Scarlett got credit for the goal, but, well, yeah. Maybe not so much. And those horn blasts. Those horn blasts.

Look on the bright side, Matt. It’s literally all downhill from here.