How did the MLS SuperDraft play out Thursday? Exactly like this:
Noon: MLS commissioner Don Garber takes the stage and asks the crowd not to boo draft picks. Naturally, the crowd boos.
12:10: The New England Revolution takes Andrew Farrell with the top pick. Farrell explains the blond streak in his hair to the 91st Minute: “One of my favorite players is Alex Song. He did this and I like how he plays so I tried to emulate that.” I wonder if Farrell knows that Song does it to emulate Avril Lavigne …
12:15: Chivas USA takes Carlos Alvarez who is happy to be returning home to LA. Chivas immediately phones his mother and begins negotiating his curfew.
12:20: Everyone seems genuinely surprised when Toronto takes Kyle Bekker with the third pick. Reporters ask him every insulting question short of: “So, Kyle, uhh … how did this happen?”
12:25: Toronto calls a five-minute timeout rather than making its pick. This is unofficially known as a “bathroom break.”
12:30: Back from the restroom, Toronto trades its pick to Vancouver who selects Kekuta Manneh. I ask to interview his hair, it politely declines.
12:35: Vancouver uses another pick to take Erik Hurtado. Erik takes the podium and thanks God. The crowd boos emphatically.
12:40: I interview Erik who talks about his passion for the game and says loudly: “I USED TO SLEEP WITH MY BALLS!” An elderly lady does a double take (true story).