Written by Will Parchman

This is a lot of fun.

Dani Alves is run down repeatedly for his defending. Sure, he can get forward like a winger, but his defending is largely regarded as ‘eh.’ So watching his spadework combined with Jordi Alba on the other flank here in a recent game against Malaga is quite a bit of fun. It’s rare that any team can claim to have a two-way fullback like Alves. But to have a talented complement on the other side? Nonsense. Barcelona is a cyborgteam.

 

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Written by Will Parchman

Wednesday is Christmas (that’s tomorrow!). The Barcelona A team has already wished you a Merry Christmas, so now it’s La Masia’s turn. These are the best of late December, so you’re welcome in advance.

 

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Written by Will Parchman

There are two ways to shoot a Christmas video. If you’re Spanish, you stand awkwardly in front of a camera, giggle nervously and do your best to not play the thing in your hand in any way that resembles a human thing to do. If you’re a Spanish club with shareholders and a bunch of titles and expectations and that kind of thing, you trot a couple dead-faced players out to a camera and tell them to drolly say merry Christmas. Yahoo.

What we need here is Totti to casually make us all feel lesser-than while simultaneously reminding us that the real spirit of Christmas is burning brightly inside us all. If he was wearing a gladiator outfit and destroying a pack of lions while saying all this, I think it’d be best.

Plus, can we talk about Negredo wearing a shirt embroidered (in the Affliction style) with the phrase “Bad Boy?” Men’s European fashion is a terrifying thing and I want no part of it.

 

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Written by Will Parchman

This is something of a running feature at the 91st Minute. We ogle Barcelona’s youth setup, which produces so many absurdly un-age specific goals that it looks like grown men shrunken into hilarious kids’ bodies with huge heads. It’s a wonderful time for the whole family.

The great thing about these goals is the goal itself is rarely the highlight. The iceberg under the surface is the best part. Plus, this week there’s the added bonus of an Arctic Monkeys track over the video. No techno! Party time.

 

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Written by Will Parchman

In lieu of saying one has integrity and the other doesn’t, I’ll simply point knowingly to these two exhibits and allow you to draw whatever conclusions come to mind.

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Written by Will Parchman

In lieu of calling this rivalry The SUPERDUPER CLASICO or whatever tripe the Galaxy and Chivas USA are dreaming up next, watch this video and be amazed.

This is field-level access stuff. We’re talking team bus, mixed zone interviews, the warm-up… everything short of Messi preening himself in front of a mirror. Scope it.

 

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Written by Will Parchman

celtic

Barcelona’s Champions League visit to Glasgow was a relatively easy walkover, a 1-0 win that wasn’t even that close. Celtic’s Scott Brown saw red for kicking Neymar (ah the joy) in the second half to make Barca’s three points even more simple than it otherwise would’ve been.

But at least those plucky Scots made it fun for themselves. In addition to that tifo up there (which I think Portland and Seattle could out-do, but that’s neither here nor there) they belted out this pregame version of YNWA, which was beautiful and probably necessary to convince themselves the next 90 minutes weren’t going to be that painful.

Oh well. At least Samaras still runs funny.

 

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Written by Will Parchman

The relative shortness of this clip is mitigated by its beauty. Anyone who’s attempted to ping the ball around utilizing that kind of silkiness, effortlessness and sheer muscle memory knows that it is nigh impossible. So to see Barca do it game after game is something of a soccer miracle.

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Written by Will Parchman

I know you’ve been pining for it, and who am I to disappoint you, loyal 91st Minute reader?

It’s a mid-September edition of Barcelona’s regular series, “This could have been you if you were born a world class soccer player destined for fame, fortune and everything that goes with it. I thank you all.” Sorry, I think that actually dovetailed into Queen lyrics.

 

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Written by Will Parchman

When perusing YouTube highlight clips, you kind of expect saccharine, dancey Europop to smother the whole thing. Usually, this more or less ruins the viewing experience. Unless you want a nice morning fist pump with your Gareth Bale goals compilation, best to play it light with the music.

See, Neymar somehow nullifies the crap music because, well, he’s Neymar. And if you’d had any doubts about him immediately coming into Barcelona and redefining the world ‘silk,’ yeah, think again.

Don’t lie. You can watch Neymar dribble through defenders like they were Scooby Doo villains all day. So let’s do that.

 

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