Written by Travis Clark

Never before in the history of the Champions League had two teams from the same city contested the final. Until this year.

Atletico Madrid overturned a one goal deficit after old chum Fernando Torres opened the scoring for Chelsea, scoring three unanswered to setup the May 24 final against friendly rivals Real Madrid. Lisbon, Portugal will host this year’s final, and it should be a doozy.

Quite the year it’s been for Atletico, which could win both La Liga (they are currently first in Spain) and the Champions League. Their appearance in the final will be the first since 1974.

 

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Written by Will Parchman

baaaaaa

So, uh, Jose Mourinho, eh?

Two years ago, Chelsea somehow got past Napoli in the Champions League after losing 3-1 away in the first leg. The second leg came back to Stamford Bridge and Chelsea smashed a defensive Napoli 4-1 to streak into the semis. They got the winner from this Branislav Ivanovic goal you see here. Hysterics. A month later Chelsea won the Champions League.

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Written by Reshad Bahadori

Relive the goal that has completely shaken up the Premier League table. What was a comfortable lead for Chelsea has turned into a tight race between the top 4 clubs. It was all thanks to this beautiful set-up and finish by Aston Villa’s Fabian Delph. Watch, learn and feel to try it out on the field…even though you’ll probably fail.


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Written by Will Parchman

Chelsea hosts Galatasaray today in the Champions League. In advance of the game, somebody gave a lion, apparently called Aslan after the Chronicles of Narnia(!), a Chelsea jersey. Predictably it tears at it for awhile before realizing it’s cloth and, you know, lions don’t eat cloth.

This comes on the heels of two Chelsea fans being stabbed in Istanbul as well as this guy who responded to Chelsea fans on Twitter with a little love nod. With a gun.

gun

 

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Written by Will Parchman

If you aren’t yet acquainted, Billy McCulloch is the greatest thing on earth. Mostly because he hardly makes sense as a human. Watch that video. Just watch it. McCullough waddles into questions armed with nonsensical jokes, which he immediately responds to by cackling like a 19th century railway magnate who’d just fed thousands of his employees’ wage notes through a wood chipper.

His best prank, of course, came some three years ago, when McCulloch wore a Roberto Di Matteo jacket to the staff box while Rafa Benitez was managing. The term ‘idiot savant’ was made for moments like these.

RDM

 

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Written by Will Parchman

There’s something special about messing around with fans with a mic and a camera. We’ve seen it happen in the States¬†with hilarious results, and now we travel to Stamford Bridge to dupe a handful of Chelsea fans into analyzing a bunch of players who don’t exist.

Ah yes, and there’s an American in the video, too, commenting on some fictitious South Korean midfielder that loosely translated to “Winding You Up.” So many great facepalm moments.

 

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Written by Will Parchman

By now you’ve no doubt heard that Juan Mata is on Jose Mourinho’s butcher’s table again. This time the astronomic transfer fee is somewhere around 40 million pounds, and this time the buyer is reportedly Manchester United. Mata is again on the bench. Mata is again the butt of transfer rumors. Mourinho again defies convention to suit his bizarre tactical whims, seemingly ignoring the feast put on his table by a different chef in favor of his own odd concoction.

Give Mourinho this. It’s impossible for his adversaries to catch up with his dealings if it seems even he is being guided by the wind.

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Written by Will Parchman

Chelsea notched an enormously impressive 2-1 victory over Liverpool over the weekend, which further muddled the top four EPL picture as we plunge into 2014. Which is a great thing for the league’s importance down the stretch. It’s also important for Mourinho, who is as strange and lovable a human as ever.

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Written by Will Parchman

The Chelsea boys recently went through with the crossbar challenge, which is a challenge. To hit the crossbar. My favorite is how they each announce their names and positions before shooting, as though they were 12-year-olds in a grainy recruiting video shot by an overzealous and maybe kind of drunk dad.

What we learned from this little exercise is Mikel explodes into blue flame if he even considers an attacking notion (that shot…), Gary Cahill is an extra from Downton Abbey, and Demba Ba’s hilarious effort isn’t totally unlike what he resembles in front of goal.

 

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Written by Will Parchman

The Special One. The Happy One. The… Crazy One?

It’s funny that Fernando Torres triggered any kind of frantic celebration, let alone one from Jose Mourinho, but here we are. Mourinho hopped into the stands after Torres scored a late winner over Citeh, triggering the Parchman Certified Premier League Freakout of the Season. Gold stars all around.

Personally, I would’ve had an oil pump primed on the sideline rigged to pump out blue money, but to each his own.

 

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