This is no different than David showing up to the Olympics with a blowtorch, or walking through the wilderness in his underwear. This is David being David. He does things because he can.
Arsenal has been quick to point out that Becks is simply keeping fit and will not likely be signed. If you’re wondering how Beckham would do if he did join the Arsenal … well, we are too. But here’s how he’d do with just about every other club in the world.
When the 91st Minute staff got together to decide the winner of our inaugural Man of the Year Award, I gave them the same advice I’ll give my future daughters: don’t choose a man you can live with, choose the man you can’t live without.
Suddenly, the choice was obvious. So I took a sip of my strawberry banana smoothie, adjusted my underpants, turned down my Spice Girls CD and announced: I wanna, I wanna, really really really wanna zigazig ha!
And after that part of the song had passed we all agreed that David was our winner. He’s the only possible choice. The man, the myth, the brand; he’s everywhere even if we’re never there. And this blog couldn’t have lived without him in 2012.
Did you enjoy that sweater mom gave you for Christmas? Wow, that new set of towels is awesome! But just so you know, the Beckhams are spending their Christmas in Maldives.
According to The Sun, Posh Spice and the family spent £250,000 on a trip to Christmas paradise. They’ll spend 11 nights at a resort that features 130 private villas, 12 beaches, 40 pools and its own Seaplane. Yup.
Enjoy that sweater, though. And bundle up. It’s cold out there.
Wow, I didn’t see this one coming. First, Will Smith’s son goes into acting and now this?
David Beckham’s son Romeo has kicked off what will surely be a successful career in modeling and life itself with this ad for Burberry. Is there a kid on the planet with a better life? His name is Romeo, for starters … and now he’s modeling highly expensive garments and getting paid for it.
On another note, are those real adults in the above ad? Seriously, I can’t tell …
Hey Becks, you decide where you’re going next year? No? Well, just hit me on the bat phone when you figure it out. Mom is always on the house phone, so …
What will David Beckham do next? Your guess is as good as ours. Maybe he’ll play in Iceland; open up an amusement park or launch a line of Posh Spice bras. Because his options are endless we’ve turned to Football Manager to help us prognosticate his future.
Assuming Beckham does indeed play more soccer next year, here are seven potential clubs where he could land and his simulated 2013 performance with each of them (click the links for the stats compiled by Football Manager).
Word on the street is that Kaka may join the LA Galaxy next season, filling the international icon void left by Beckham. But could Kaka truly step into those cleats? Does he have the Becks juice? Let’s examine:
6-1 HEIGHT Giant among men
30 AGE Ageless
Random lady WIFE Legendary Posh Spice
Twitter king FAME He’s David ‘frickin Beckham
Brazilian great LEGACY He’s David ‘frickin Beckham
So there you have it, folks. Kaka may be coming to the MLS but you can’t spell Galaxy without ‘LA’ and you can’t spell LA without ‘universal’ icon. Call me when Kaka gets his own line of underwear.
You know the drill: if you’re hot, then you’re on this list. If you’re not … you’re still on this list. We’re taking the weekly temperature of soccer and other random stuff. Here we go:
1. North Carolina women. National Champs for the 22nd time. If I were Tar Heels coach Anson Dorrance I’d never go on another recruiting trip. From now on, I’d just text all of my prospects the following message: ‘22’. Nuff said.
2. David Beckham. Becks won another MLS Cup and walked off on his terms. Now he’ll invade a new country, stick his flag in the ground (its symbol is a picture of Posh Spice) and pile up more treasure before moving on.
3. Christmas song remixes. Whether it’s the Crystal Palace Cheerleaders or DMX (Grrrrr!), Santa Claus is getting a new look this year. WHAT?! COME ON! (DMX voice).
1. Kat Williams. For his next joke, Kat Williams will become the joke. The standup comedian went on a crazy rant onstage in Oakland where he was arrested a couple weeks ago. Then he went to Seattle where he missed his show altogether, was arrested, kicked out of his hotel and at some point managed to slap a Target employee (the only part I can understand … who hasn’t done that?). Oh, and he now says he’s retiring from comedy. Apparently, it doesn’t leave him enough time to get locked up.
2. Nick Lachey. It’s bad enough that Jessica Simpson’s ex still hasn’t gotten the band back together. Now, he goes and gets himself kicked out of a San Diego Chargers game for fighting with a fan. That Nick Lachey has a hot temper. No wonder they called it 98 degrees (Ok, I realize that’s like standard body temperature but I needed the line for the joke. Let it go).
3. Youth Soccer coach attacked, killed: Soccer has no shortage of violent stories, but this is among the worst.
Just so you know, I’m all in on Football Manager these days. Not only can the program help you land your dream job, but it can also predict the future – kind of.
Football Manager’s most recent project was to simulate the upcoming MLS Cup between the LA Galaxy and Houston Dynamo. By quantifying all the player and tactical variables (nerd jargon, stay cool and keep reading) the program ran results of 10 matchups. And if this thing knows what it’s talking about, and it usually does, it looks as though we’re in for a close contest. Here are the results:
Galaxy 5 wins, Dynamo 5 wins
Galaxy 16 goals, Dynamo 12 goals
Digging a little deeper we found that the matches went into overtime 50 percent of the time and went to PKs 40 percent of the time.
The only thing Football Manager could not simulate was David Beckham showing up to his final MLS match LIKE THIS then delivering a rousing speech and handing each of his teammates their own pair of H&M underwear. We’re afraid technology just isn’t yet equipped to measure Beckhamness.