Written by Will Parchman

The World Cup is close enough now that entities are beginning to roll out their best stuff. For Nike, this was the recent Risk Everything ad and then the Winner Stays promo that had the internet buzzing last week.

Now it’s ESPN’s turn. Weeks after releasing a masterstroke with the Ian Darke date narration spot, the WWL released this today, a teaser for its World Cup coverage that takes you through some (semi-delusional) fans pumping themselves up for the games.

As a side note, the “he’s not going to score on Tim Howard” guy is clearly drunk on nitrous oxide.

Continue reading

Tags:  , , , | Leave a comment
Written by The 91st

With today being New Year’s Eve and 2014 starting tomorrow, it only means one thing for soccer fans: the World Cup is almost here.

And to commemorate that — or at least start raising awareness — ESPN has put forth its first commercial promoting this summer’s main event. Get fired up already.


Tags:  , , | Leave a comment
Written by Reshad Bahadori

In a poll conducted by ESPN, Leo Messi was voted the seventh most popular athlete in the United States. He is the first soccer player to break into the top 10. Michael Jordan, Peyton Manning and LeBron James were the top three. The most promising part of the poll is that,

“the 12- to 24-year-old demographic, proclaim the Barcelona star to be the fourth-favorite athlete in the United States (the study tracks the fan base sizes and demographic trends for all major sports through a monthly telephone survey of 1,500 Americans ages 12 and over).”

Cristiano Ronaldo came in at #21 and Beckham at #47.

Tags:  , , , , | 1 Comment
Written by Will Parchman

In 1943, Abraham Maslow released his Hierarchy of Needs, a pyramid of etched social and psychological desires embedded into our consciousness from birth. At the top of the pyramid, morality, problem solving, spontaneity. In the midsection, sexual intimacy, family, friendship. At the bottom, in red ink, sex, sleep, breathing, excretion.

In 2002, ESPN released its EOE doc entitled “The Life – Landon Donovan.” Were Maslow alive to see it, he’d have realized that for the first time in recorded human history, a profile of a single man has, at once, fulfilled every human need. If looped on a continuous stream, the endpoints of the universe would bend toward the continuum and touch, creating an endless stream of black holes filled with Romulans with closely cropped bleach-blonde hair and an infinite number of Pablo Mastroenis butchering The Beatles’ “Blackbird” on a pock-marked, out-of-tune Fender acoustic.

Continue reading

Tags:  , , , | Leave a comment
Written by The 91st

Alex Morgan stopped by the ESPN campus to promote her new book this week. Along the way, she did some interviews and owned a former NFL player.

Hugh Douglas, who used to be pretty good at hitting people with helmets but now mostly hits the buffet table, decided to stand in net against Morgan. And that’s pretty much as far as he got. He never saw the first two shots, and was only able to make a save when Morgan sent an easy chip his way.

Pretty much what we expected. Nothing to see here.


Tags:  , , , , | Leave a comment
Written by Dill Pickle

Dude, who has it better than nine-year-old Sam Morgan right now? Audrey Gibson, maybe? James Bond? It’s a pretty short list.

Ever since Morgan charmed America with her football exploits, America has basically waved it’s magic wand and sent her to Fantasy Camp … permanently. First, there were television appearances; then Abby Wambach reached out and let her hang out with the USWNT, then she appeared on a Wheaties Box. And, now, Morgan has been invited to the Super Bowl as reported by a little news organization called ESPN.

“I think it’s going to be really cool, plus I get to sit next to the NFL commissioner maybe,” Gordon said.

Apparently, Gordon previously met NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell during a trip to New York (of course she has). In other news, she’ll be joining President Obama tomorrow morning to talk fiscal cliff negotiations.



Tags:  , , , , , | Leave a comment
Written by The 91st

ESPN has released its year-end athlete rankings, and according to the worldwide sports leader Lionel Messi answers to no one … except, uh, LeBron.

Messi ranked No. 2 in a power list of 20 athletes, falling just short of Mr. James. In this instance, I don’t have an issue with the order, mainly because Bron did capture an NBA title last summer. Now, had Messi added a Champions League trophy to go with those 91 goals I think we have a different discussion.

Cristiano Ronaldo also made the ranking at No. 5, just ahead of human fish Michael Phelps.


Tags:  , , , , , | 1 Comment
Written by The 91st

Welcome to Manchester 101. Today you’ll learn how to speak fluent Manchester straight from the mouths of the blue and red faithful. You’ll hear things like ‘git’ and ‘moppet’ and finally understand why it’s important to pull a ‘fit bird.’

So get off  your ‘tod’ and don’t be a ‘plonker!’ … Uh, mate.


Tags:  , , , | Leave a comment
Written by Jahmal Corner

In chapter 735 of let’s ask Messi about Ronaldo, and then ask Ronaldo about Messi and see if we can’t stir up something about Messi not liking Ronaldo or Ronaldo not like Messi … Ronaldo was asked about Messi.

The Real Madrid male model told the press that Messi was a “great player” but that he doesn’t have a professional relationship with him the way he does with other players:

“I’m not a friend of him because we don’t share the same dressing room and do not go out for dinner, but I respect him as a professional. It’s always the same (with comparisons). It’s not just now, it’s the last five years. I cannot change that. I don’t work for the press. They love doing that.”

Yeah, bud, we do. We’re doing it now, in fact.



Tags:  , , , | Leave a comment
Written by Jahmal Corner

Lionel Messi recently shared his voting plans for the Ballon D’Or Award, given to soccer’s top performer. Surprise, surprise: he will not be voting for his bestie Ronaldo.

In one of the weirdest award rules ever, Messi actually gets to vote along with fellow international captains for an honor that could ultimately go to him.

“Last year, I voted for Xavi, Iniesta and Aguero, in that order,” he said. “I reckon this year it will be the same … Xavi and Iniesta will be there for sure and I am thinking between [Gonzalo] Higuain, [Angel] Di Maria or Aguero.”

Messi then went on to name 150 players, including two U12 strikers, whom he would consider voting for.

Ronaldo never came up.



Tags:  , , , , , , | Leave a comment