Brian Ching and his merry band of (mostly old) gentlemen loaded his career onto a pyre, pushed it off into the Galveston Bay and lit it on fire. But they did it with a GoPro camera strapped around Brad Davis’ head. I want to insert an ear joke here, but I’m not feeling up to it so I’ll just conclude by saying that Brad Davis has big ears and that’s a funny thing to have on your body.
Globally, soccer is a buyer’s game. The escalating big money return-on-investment culture is increasingly rampant in places where moneyed owners buy clubs as status symbols in lieu of generating any substantive revenue stream. For Roman Abramovich, Chelsea is essentially a Rolex, adding some sparkle to his wrist but doing little to nothing to bolster his bank account. That’s what the under-the-table, ethically dubious Russian oil market is for.
If you’re OK with this culture of winner-buy-all, then perhaps this won’t matter much to you. And to be sure, there are pockets globally where it’s less pronounced. But if seeing the little guy repeatedly having his jaw rearranged by Gordon Gekko’s henchmen wears on you, the MLS playoffs are currently providing a fresh gust of wind in a relatively a stale upper atmosphere.
This is how you trash talk. You don’t get emotional, or out of character; you get creative. You get subtle. You … make a fake infomercial about ‘Crushing the Orange’ a few days in advance of your match against the Houston Dynamo.
That’s precisely what FC Dallas did, and I absolutely love it. Stephen Keel and George John were dead on here as infomercial actors. They managed to be funny while getting their point across: they plan on crushing the orange.
Just so you know, I’m all in on Football Manager these days. Not only can the program help you land your dream job, but it can also predict the future – kind of.
Football Manager’s most recent project was to simulate the upcoming MLS Cup between the LA Galaxy and Houston Dynamo. By quantifying all the player and tactical variables (nerd jargon, stay cool and keep reading) the program ran results of 10 matchups. And if this thing knows what it’s talking about, and it usually does, it looks as though we’re in for a close contest. Here are the results:
Galaxy 5 wins, Dynamo 5 wins
Galaxy 16 goals, Dynamo 12 goals
Digging a little deeper we found that the matches went into overtime 50 percent of the time and went to PKs 40 percent of the time.
The only thing Football Manager could not simulate was David Beckham showing up to his final MLS match LIKE THIS then delivering a rousing speech and handing each of his teammates their own pair of H&M underwear. We’re afraid technology just isn’t yet equipped to measure Beckhamness.
Apparently, last season when the LA Galaxy hosted Houston Dynamo for the MLS Cup in its own backyard, someone yelled out: Hey, same time next year?
And so here we are: the MLS Cup turning into a private holiday party hosted by the Galaxy, featuring the Dynamo.
The matchup is sexy, so there’s no complaint there, but the format is flawed. Remind me again why the Galaxy get to host the league title match for the second year in a row? Everyone’s just OK with this?
It’s pretty much unprecedented in a winner-take-all professional championship match that one team regularly gets to treat the game like a regular season home game. That’s taking the term “home-field advantage” a little too far if you ask me.
But, hey, what the glamor team wants, it gets.
Dynamo Eastern Conference highlights after the jump.
In the first MLS playoff game of the year on Wednesday night, the Houston Dynamo knocked off the Chicago Fire 2-1 (in Chicago no less) as former Indiana striker Will Bruin scored both goals for the Dynamo in what was a pretty lethargic game overall.
MLS is set to get a new stadium this week, as BBVA Compass Stadium opens in Houston.
Before the Houston Dynamo welcome D.C. United in MLS play on May 12 however, the U.S. U17 Men’s National Team gets the chance to open it up when they play the Houston Dynamo Academy on Thursday, May 10.
At this point you probably already know more than you need to about the U.S. Men’s U23 team. But what you probably didn’t know is that Andrew Luck is driving the U.S. Soccer bandwagon. Check out the picture (above) of him rocking the Team USA shirt during his NFL Pro Day.
A little history on Luck’s affinity for futbol: His dad Oliver was named president of Major League Soccer’s Houston Dynamo in 2005. So his support makes sense. I’m digging it, and I’m also encouraged by the enthusiasm and confidence from the U23 squad. Peep the tweets below:
Game day! Connect with you guys after the game. #USMNT#ADUit