MLS is home to many different styles of coaching. Some of them are grandfathers. Some are sad. Some will not be deprived of their scarves. This is a power ranking of those coaches in current form. The rating is on a scientific scale of four to iridium, which is obviously from best to worst. Or worst to best. Who knows, really?
Grandpa in Residence
Bruce Arena, LA Galaxy: Every time Bruce Arena talks, he’s about three degrees away from telling you about that time in Nam with a glassy look in his eye before wandering aimlessly into the backyard to weed-whack some pebbles with a flamethrower nobody’s all that sure how he acquired. But he’s so damn effective with that flamethrower nobody thinks to ask questions. You don’t take the machinery away from grandpa. He’s busy burning down everyone’s houses. Bruce Arena is basically Clint Eastwood from Gran Torino.
Dom Kinnear, Houston Dynamo: Dom Kinnear hates young players, values hustle, has the 4-4-2 manifesto tattooed on the back of his eyelids and has probably at one point derided Neymar because of his hair and/or THOSE FLASHY SHOES. There’s literally nothing else to say.