December 13, 2011

Chelsea F.C. inspired by Justin Bieber

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It has now become perfectly clear why English superpower Chelsea F.C. has lost 4 of their last 6 Premier League games – all Chelsea players are forced to listen to Justin Bieber’s “Baby” before each match. Chelsea Manager Andre Villas-Boas has made it a point ever since he took over in June to focus more on Justin Bieber and less on the actual tactics involved in the game, which is clearly working, especially after a 0-3 loss to middle of the pack Newcastle United. This will clearly be an international story worth keeping an eye on as the season develops.

Kudos to Bieber for actually looking like he’s seen a Soccer ball before as he shows some decent skills at :20, :23, and :41. It’s worth noting how jealous Lampard and Torres are about this 5’5″ 120 lb. 13 year old girl’s Justin Bieber’s skills.

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September 7, 2011

Newcastle United unveils lingerie

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Well, well, well. I finally get it. Congratulations Mike Ashley (Newcastle United’s owner) you thought you could pull a fast one on all of us, didn’t you? You thought you were so funny for stripping off your clothes, and you had everyone laughing and asking, “why would he strip in the middle of a karaoke jam sess?”. You didn’t fool me Mr. Ashley, the answer is clear now, and it is not because you’re that cool of a boss.

Mr. Ashley didn’t remove all his clothes in a Chinese restaurant because he was drunk, he did it to get us thinking about the new line of Newcastle underwear. That’s right, Newcastle underwear!

Above is a photo of Newcastle’s new line of lingerie, just in time for you and your special someone who were planning to spice things up. Granted, you probably aren’t even paying attention to what this model is wearing (let alone what I’m writing right now), but in case you wanted to pick some up, click here.

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September 4, 2011

Newcastle United owner strips in a Chinese restaurant

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Party loving Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley stripped to his undies during a drunken night out at a Chinese restaurant. The tycoon, 48, peeled down to boxers and socks as he gyrated to “The Full Monty” film tune “You Can Leave Your Hat On”. Ashley, once worth ­£1.9billion, took centre stage at a karaoke session during a birthday party for one of his Sports Direct staff. As he undressed, workers yelled “More” and “Get ’em off Mikey boy”. One said later:

“Mike was in great form. The DJ started playing that song and all the blokes were egged on by the girls.
Mike was one of the first up, to applause and cheers. He didn’t think twice about stripping, ­especially as he’d sunk a few pints.”

Naturally your first assumption is this guy is crazy. And you’re right, he’s crazy, crazy awesome! How many bosses of his stature would go party with their employees? He’s the equivalent of Andy Samberg’s “Like a Boss”, but in real life.

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August 23, 2011

FA fine Arsenal and Newcastle

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via ESPNSoccernet.

Newcastle United and Arsenal have each been fined £30,000 by the FA for failing to control their players during the Premier League clash at St James’ Park on August 13.

The ill-tempered 0-0 draw was marred by a second-half melee and Arsenal’s new signing Gervinho was sent off following a clash with Newcastle’s Joey Barton. The pair had squared up following what the home side claimed was a dive. Earlier in the match, Arsenal’s Alex Song stamped on Barton’s leg in an incident not seen by referee Peter Walton but the midfielder was later handed a three-match ban.

There was more bad news for both clubs on Tuesday when the Football Association announced both had failed to control their players. An FA statement read:

“An independent regulatory commission today found both Newcastle United and Arsenal guilty of failing to control their players. The charges relate to an incident during their recent league fixture at St James’ Park on Saturday 13 August 2011. Both clubs denied the charge and requested a non-personal hearing. In each case, the charge was proven by the regulatory commission and both clubs have been fined £30,000.”

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