Written by Dill Pickle

Harry

When you’re famous you get to do random things like show up at Newcastle and train with the team. Boy band One Direction recently took full advantage of their fame by doing just that. They even got to wear official jerseys and take their shirts off to reveal tattoos of butterflies.

Yup, that’s Harry with the world’s softest tattoo. Of course it is. Taylor Swift took one look at this photo and reiterated that they are “never ever ever ever, getting back together” …

So, there’s that.

 

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Written by The 91st

You know a tackle is bad when it’s titled “horror foul.”

Wigan’s Callum McManaman pretty much took down Massadio Haïdara’s entire kneecap during a match with Newcastle. I’d say he just narrowly missed the ball, oh, by about five feet … and a leg.

Haïdara has suffered major knee damage while McManaman could suffer the wrath of the FA once they’re done reviewing the tape. Personally, we’ve seen enough.

 

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Written by The 91st

DISCLAIMER: The images above are graphic in nature, viewer discretion is advised.

Long story short: Danny Simpson was knocked out by a couple of off-duty bouncers following a confrontation. So naturally, people crowded around to … uh, take video and pictures.

I don’t think I’ve ever watched a scene that screamed GET A DOCTOR more than the one above. Danny’s brilliant team of supporters pretty much had it all figured out.

“As long as he’s breathing … keep his face that way (as they mush his face to the side).”

Good call, Dr. Doolittle.

I can joke about this because Danny turned out alright. Once his mind returned to planet Earth he sent out the following tweet.

Note to self, Danny: stick to what you do. You don’t see bouncers trying to slide tackle you on the pitch, now do you?

 

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Written by The 91st

This is just Michael Bridges honoring ‘Movember’ the only way he knows how – by repping the Newcastle blue and red.

As most of you should know, ‘Movember’ is a month-long event that involves growing mustaches to help raise awareness for prostate cancer. But for those of us that are facial hair impaired and have faces smoother than a baby’s bottom, there are creative options. Bridges nails this one.

 

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Written by Jahmal Corner

So Everton defeated Newcastle 4-2 yesterday but somehow it ended up in a 2-2 tie. Oh yeah, that’s because the refs decided not to acknowledge two of the goals. The one above is the worst of the bunch – if the ball were any further past the line it’d be through the back of the net and into the crowd.

Everton manager David Moyes handled it all fairly well. His postgame interview is after the jump. Most of it is in English.

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Written by Jahmal Corner

The above video is a real-life psychological study of Newcastle fans with heavy accents and heavier obsessions with their favorite futbol club. Throughout the study, you’ll hear these maniacs say things like:

Football comes firstFootball was there before me wife. So it’s always going to be there and that’s always going to be a problem.

I won’t spoil the conclusion of the study, but here are my own findings:

These guys are lucky to have wives. If I were a scientist I’d run a study on the women to figure out where they went wrong. Don’t these women know they have options? That there are guys out there who speak proper English (me wife? Really bro?) and value human contact over soccer?

Don’t answer that now … I’m watching the game.

[Adage]

 

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Written by Jahmal Corner

Ok, so things got a little out of hand – but if you’ve never been to a wedding where the bride gets sucker punched and the castle door gets busted down, then you’ve never really been to a wedding my friend!

Recently released Newcastle midfielder Danny Guthrie knows what I’m talking about. He’s currently fending off rumors about a wild weekend when he tied the knot at England’s Allerton Castle.

According to Dirty Tackle, and other sources, police had to break up his June 2 wedding at 4 a.m. after all hell broke loose.

Apparently, it started with a fight that saw the bride lose on all scorecards (but this was a legit decision … sorry Pacquiao) after she was punched in the grill and had to go to the hospital. Guests of the wedding were locked out – leading to them going ‘big bad wolf’ and blowing the door down – and lobsters were thrown (which I’m ok with, because shellfish deserve their freedom too).

The only thing missing from this party was Ken Jeong locked in a trunk. I guess there’s always the honeymoon.

 

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Written by Jahmal Corner

Papiss Cisse!

I think I just got misty-eyed. The Newcastle striker hit this one without a conscience, a ball that had so much movement we should call in the ballistics unit. What a goal.

 

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Written by Administrator

via ESPNSoccernet.

A melee erupted during the second half of the goalless draw at St James’ Park after Joey Barton confronted Gervinho, who had fallen in the penalty area under a challenge from Cheik Tiote. Gervinho then slapped Barton after the grapple, and the Ivorian was subsequently sent off by referee Peter Walton.

A statement from the FA read:

“Following Gervinho’s dismissal Arsenal have today lodged a claim that the standard punishment of a three-match suspension is clearly excessive. A regulatory Commission will hear that claim on August 16.”

Arsenal’s Alex Song has been charged separately with violent conduct following an earlier incident in the same game. Song stamped on Barton, who was left furious after his opponent received no punishment from Walton.

Barton received a yellow card for his part in the fracas, and as such has already been sanctioned. Newcastle have revealed they will deny the charge, while Arsenal have until 1600 BST on August 18 to respond. Song, meanwhile, must reply by 1800 BST on August 16.

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Written by Administrator

via Mirror Fooball:

Newcastle boss Alan Pardew has claimed Jose Enrique will be offered a “fantastic” new contract to keep him on Tyneside. Having seen his hopes of retaining Joey Barton’s services all but dashed this week, Pardew has revealed the club will present the Spaniard’s representatives with a tempting offer next week.

It has seemed apparent for some time that Enrique’s future lies way from St James’ Park with Liverpool, Bayern Munich and even Real Madrid having been credited with an interest in him. However, the manager, who today tied up teenage full-back Shane Ferguson to a new five-year contract, is keeping his fingers crossed.

Pardew told the Evening Chronicle:

“We have been waiting to see his [Enrique's] representatives, they are due here in the early part of next week. We are going to make Jose a very, very good offer and we are hoping he is going to accept it. We are realistic about Jose because the ball is in his court on that one, not in ours. He will be offered a fantastic contract here, he knows that, but still it is going to be down to his decision. I am still hopeful.”

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