Written by Will Parchman

Henry

The idea that the best of us are uprooted from placid lives pulling the plow and thrust into positions of great responsibility at times of crisis is as old as the idea of the republic. In the “western” world, it’s at least as old as Roman dictator-for-a-day Cincinnatus in the BCs.

Thierry Henry knows, apparently. Because since retirement, he’s been peeking his head out of the quietude and dropping truthnuggets of goodness all over the world as a potential manager-in-waiting for some beleaguered club. And this is maybe his best act yet.

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Written by Travis Clark

In the wake of the New York Red Bulls’ loss in the Eastern Conference Championship, Thierry Henry announced he wouldn’t return to MLS in 2015. As it turns out, the defeat over two legs to New England would be the last of his storied career.

Early this morning Eastern Standard Time, Henry announced his retirement via his Facebook page.

He leaves behind a playing career that saw him capture Premier League titles, the 1998 World Cup, the 2000 European Championship and a slew of individual awards. Along with his stint at Arsenal and the Red Bulls, he turned up for Monaco, Juventus and Barcelona, scoring 284 goals in club soccer. Take a look at his top 25 goals from his Arsenal days, when he was at the height of his career.

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Written by Will Parchman

henry222

We start here. November, 2014, MLS Playoffs.

And now we go back to the beginning.

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Written by Will Parchman

I’d love to put a baby in Thierry Henry’s arms and then throw a pumpkin at him.

Not because I think he’d drop the baby, but because by the end of the sequence I’m fairly certain the baby would be the president of the United States and the pumpkin would be carved – expertly, I might add – into an intricate, miniature blow-by-blow visual of how the French came to make and then gift the Statue of Liberty to the United States.

This goal here is proof of all that. Henry one-touches (one-brushes? can we call these one-brushes?) this ball here, 23 yards from goal, with the cushioned inside of his right foot.

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Written by Reshad Bahadori

Well this just has everything. Chicago Fire’s Mike Magee, MLS and KICK TV team up to give us a spoof of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. We got cameos from Hope Solo, Sydney Leroux, Thierry Henry, Omar Gonzalez and many many more. Watch, laugh and be entertained.

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Written by Will Parchman

The Red Bulls were locked in a very real chase for the Supporter’s Shield this weekend. With Portland and SKC pushing hard until the final game, NYRB needed a win over the plucky Chicago Fire to assure the shield.

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Written by The 91st

The folks over at Kick TV have come up with something pretty unique for today: a short, quick video recalling some of some of Thierry Henry’s best moments in an Arsenal and Red Bulls jersey.

 

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Written by Will Parchman

henrying

So this Henrying thing has really caught on in the last day or so, eh?

After a relatively routine goal against TFC to go up 1-0 last weekend, Thierry Henry sauntered over to the post and took a bit of a rest. And then all hell broke loose in the murky, somewhat terrifying world of meme generation.

So here’s what a world of #Henrying looks like.

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Written by Travis Clark

He’s the highest-paid player in MLS, but Thierry Henry’s worth every penny. The New York Red Bulls forward scored an amazing bicycle kick in his side’s 2-1 win over the Montreal Impact on Wednesday night.

Sit back and admire his handiwork. Makes it look so easy.

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Written by The 91st

Thierry

So MLS released its annual “our lives are better than yours” player salary figures. And with David Beckham finally off the books, we have a new reigning king in the penthouse. It’s Thierry Henry. The Frenchman pulls in a whopping $4.35 million a year, narrowly topping Robbie Keane’s $4.33 mill.

As you pore over the list below, you’ll find the true winner in all of this: Landon Donovan. Because, while the rest of the guys were busting it down the line to sustain their lavish lifestyles, Donovan got paid the majority of his $2.5 mill just to hang out. Best job in the league.

3. Tim Cahill, $3.5 million
4. Landon Donovan, $2.5 million

5. Marco DiVaio, $1. 9 million

6. Obafemi Martins, $1.725 million

7. Danny Koevermans, $1.66 million

8. Kenny Miller, $1.13 million

9. Fredy Montero, $856,000

10. David Ferreira, $730,000

 

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