Disclaimer: The following is a reenactment of events that may not have actually happened at all.
It started as a special honor. Morgan Andrews was named the Gatorade Girls Soccer National Player of the Year, joining a list of prestigious past winners like Ali Krieger and Mollie Pathman.
But then reality set in, and it hit with the intensity of a parched throat in the middle of the Sahara Desert.
“After the applause had died down and they gave my trophy I kind of realized it … that’s when I knew I wasn’t getting any Gatorade. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, I’m thrilled to have won the award, but I’d give it all back for just one 32-ounce Lime Rain.”
One Gatorade State Soccer winner, who chose to remain anonymous, was less diplomatic about it.
“I’m pretty upset about it – how can a Gatorade award be presented without actual Gatorade? That’s like winning free airline ticket vouchers and only being able to use them in the airport gift shop. Then again, at least they sell Gatorade in the gift shop.”
The disgruntled award winner continued:
“What makes it worse is every time I turn on the T.V. it’s a Gatorade commercial, asking: ‘is it in you?’ No! No, it isn’t!’ ”
For Andrews’ part she had an incredible season, dominating the high school and club ranks and helping lead the U.S. U17 WNT to a CONCACAF Championship. It all added up to a lot of adulation, but she’s still thirsty … literally.
“I don’t know how to feel, I mean, besides thirsty,” she said. “Lately I’ve been just telling people that I’m the Girls Soccer National Player of the Year. It feels more accurate since there really wasn’t any Gatorade involved.”